Dredd is a fantastically uber-violent action flick that captures the grime and hopelessness of the comics pretty damn well, but the villains - headed up by ex-prossie gang leader Ma-Ma - have to be the dumbest bunch of inbred dung-heads of any movie ever. Now is probably a good time to say SPOILERS A-COMIN'
Let's start with the three hapless chaps they decide to skin and throw over the balcony at the start of the film. Hey, geniuses, next time you're building a massive drugs operation that you're trying to keep under wraps, maybe don't mutilate and kill people in a massively public manner which is bound to bring Judges to your yard.
But oopsies, too late, here comes Dredd and new recruit Anderson - so fucking glad to see her in this flick, a billion gazillion times better than
this:
So, Dredd and Anderson arrest a gang member and are about to take him away for interrogation, which will obviously reveal the nefarious drugs plan (see, I told yers!). We'll skip over the whole 'only 99% sure he was the one who did the skinning' thing, and go straight to Dredd and Anderson leaving the tower with perp in tow (I forget his name, so we'll call him 'Tim' for the purpose of this rant). At this point, Ma-Ma has to simply radio down to one of her ground floor lackeys and ask them to pop Tim one in the face so he doesn't blab.
What they actually do is lock down the entire building by taking over the control room, which has to be the most poorly guarded place in the history of everything. Five guys in shirts do not count as guards. My local Lidl has better security than this place.
Dredd v everyone ever
So, the entire tower is sealed off and now Ma-Ma has her army of goons track down Dredd and Anderson to kill them. Bad move number 3 or 4, and we're only 20 minutes into the film. Despite controlling every camera in the joint, Ma-Ma and her tweaked-out assistant seem particularly terrible at tracking down two Judges, even with a massive army on their side. Dredd and Anderson successfully evade the tiny pockets of soldiers they do come across, who seem blissfully unaware that the Judges have stun grenades and the like until they're already dead.
Ma-Ma eventually exhibits some signs of human intelligence by sealing off the level Dredd and Anderson are on, then proceeds to obliterate the entire level with three enormous mini guns instead of simply sending every last man to that area. The plan backfires when Dredd and Anderson (and a small child) are the only survivors by some miracle of bullet avoidance, helped out by a conveniently placed skating halfpipe that just happens to be positioned outside. All of the destruction somehow doesn't cripple the inner infrastructure of the tower and bring the whole lot crashing down, and Dredd and Anderson manage to escape again. Doh!
Eventually Anderson gets kidnapped by Tim (didn't see that one coming, did ya Anderson?) and Ma-Ma orders her lackeys to kill her. Of course, instead of just putting a bullet in her head there and then, Tim takes her to a secluded room and blows his own arm off while trying to accomplish the relatively simple task of putting a bullet in her head. Oh, Tim. Anderson then manages to escape and rescue Dredd from death by traversing ten enormous levels in the time it usually takes to boil the kettle.
Anyway, long story short, Dredd manages to heal his gut wound with a brief cauterisation and stitches and is ready to face Ma-Ma and chuck her off a balcony, after unnecessarily feeding her some Slo-Mo (except that it's another good chance for a trippy 3D segment). The rest of the tower goons then magically vanish and Dredd and Anderson get to safety, the end.
Judges be dumb too
Of course, itt's not just the baddies that are dumb in Dredd. Despite the two Judges calling in a distress signal, the Justice Dept sees it perfectly fit to send two of the dumbest recruits to help. Two Judges who seem perfectly happy standing outside the door for hours, waiting for the doors to be opened. And where did the massive crowd of Judges and paramedics come from at the end? Where were they when they were actually bloody needed??
Anyway, this is all pointless bitching about a great movie adaptation of one of my favourite comics. Urban, Thirlby and Headley were all fantastic and Alex Garland really did capture the spirit of the strip, although it's a massive shame we didn't get to see much of Mega City One. I'm sure the inevitable sequels will explore more of the rich Dredd universe, and hopefully the bad dudes won't have the combined intelligence of a plate of dung...
