NaNoWriMo Fo Sho

More gruelling than a month-long marathon across a hundred deserts, with nought to drink but flat, hot Fanta. That's what National Novel Writing Month feels like at times. Once the first day's excitement is over, the reality of the challenge hits home. 2,000-plus words a day is a lot to get down, and come the end of the month you'll likely have wrists like soggy twiglets. However, if you've done your job you'll also have a rough first draft that's ready to be polished into the Next Big Novel.

But how to make sure you finish on time? Well, pretty much every blog out there will give you a 'top ten tips', but it's actually rather simple. Here's what you do.

PLAN Most blogs will tell you, don't make alternative plans to go out - give yourself maybe one evening a week to get bladdered with your mates, but stick to your program the rest of the time. Well, that's one school of thinking, but I find my best work flows when I'm pissed up. So I say go out and enjoy yourself, then down some coffee and get ready for five hours of action! When you wake up the next morning, drooling into your keyboard, you'll probably have 15,000 words of absolute genius that Tolstoy would be proud of.

NO DISTRACTIONS Switch off your modem and hide in a room with no other distractions - no phone, no TV, no wife/husband, certainly no bloody cats. Make a hot drink and grab a bottle of water, and plough your way through it. If your mind starts to wander, try stabbing yourself in the thigh with a biro. Your brain will associate daydreaming with pain and stay fully focused at all times.

REWARDS Have a YumYum or something when you're done each evening, but only if you reach your target word count. Otherwise, spank yourself with a piece of 2x4, while screaming "I'm a bad girl/boy!"

If you follow this advice, you might just make it. Congratulations! Time to settle in for some rewriting!